Interesting - - -

Some fit, some don't, some all too well.....

What Katie Lynn Means

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

high school - - - -

Perceptions......

I just got off the phone with someone who was a year ahead of me in school.

Let me back up some:

I was in choir in high school, as was "M". As I remember she had a very nice Soprano I voice - I was more of a Soprano II or Alto I (?? memory can be a fuzzy thing at times). M always struck me as a one of those popular types, not really "I'm better than you" but maybe a little - or at least that's how I felt. We were never really close other than me knowing who she was, and if she knew who I was, it was news to me.

Fast forward 13 years, (oh God is it really that many...). M comes into the store that I'm working in. As I'm helping her I recognize her voice but don't say anything. She mentions that I look familiar and I mention school. "Oh yes! That's it!" she says. We get to talking, exchange numbers and talk about getting together.

M called tonight and we made plans for tomorrow night. We were talking on the phone and I mentioned checking out the old yearbook and looking up how we were then. M then says "All I remember about high school is being full of insecurity." We continue our conversation and firm up plans for tomorrow night.

Thinking back, M didn't strike me as insecure - not even the typical teenage things. Then again, at that age myself everyone seemed more "in place" and "together" than I was. It seemed almost shocking to me that M felt insecure back then. I just remember her in choir, with a voice I envied (although I would have liked it more in the Alto range.... : ) and the popularity I wished I had.

Really - - - - Is that how life goes?

Everyone else is feeling the same things you are but they just "fake it" as much as you do?

M said something else tonight that struck me "God puts people into your life for a reason". While I've always liked and believed that statement, I guess I've never thought it applied to me being the person "put into" anyone's life.

damn high school and those insecurities.....

Weather

It's been cold - highs in the mid-teens, lows in the low singles, and negitive wind chills. Winter storms, lake effect snow, blowing and drifting..... You know all the lovely winter weather West MI is known for. I heard a saying receintly "98% of people get nervous and freak out during a little dusting of snow. The remaining 2%, live in Michigan." So true..... so true......

I, on the other hand, have been decidedly under the weather. I got home from work on Friday and hit the couch. Until today, I haven't strayed far that couch, or the bed. I could have (and maybe should have) stayed home today but I felt I needed to be at work to help set up for a 3 night Valentine's tapas & wine event.

I haven't been to the gym since Thursday (or was it Wednesday?) and I've wished every day since that I was there. Which would mean that I felt well enough to be at the gym. I hope soon - I'm starting to miss the place.

If the weather was nicer.....

....I would go out for a run.

Now there's a statement that would never have been thought of by me. Not even at 2 AM, standing in the front porch, after a fight with PB. But it happed, I actually thought that.

Me - the person who had always hated running, the person that would rather bike for 60 miles than run a mile, the person who only in the past week and a 1/2 started jogging on the treadmill at the gym (at a speed of 4.4/4.5 miles an hour - while not much to some I'm at least impressed with me).

Mind you this thought occured to me while staring out the windows at yet another Michigan winter snow storm that closed the schools again today.

For what it's worth - I stayed home, contemplated life and the state of mine, and eventually went to bed.

Too bad all the treadmills at the gym were busy when I got there this morning. Otherwise, I'm sure I would have gotten in one hell of a jog.

Daily 3

~~ songs on the radio you haven't heard in a really long time

~~ hot chocolate in your favorite mug

~~ merlot

~~ bundling up to go outside

~~ the time machine that certain songs put you in

~~ corner booths in dark bars

~~ snow that balances on tree branches

Daily 2

~~ delicious smelling cologne

~~ snuggles with someone you love

~~ DVR

~~ ipod

~~ gym membership

Daily 1

~~ yummy salmon dinner

~~ a warm toasty house (especially with the winter storm on its way)

~~ a job in MI's lacking economy

~~ knitting - even though I don't know what I want to knit right now : P

Treadmill epiphany

At the gym this AM reading a story in the Readers Digest (gift from Grandpa-in-law for Christmas) about happiness & joy, I had a self-proclaimed good idea.

I don't know if it's just the winter blahs or cabin fever or just my own restlessness but I've been "hit or miss" on the happy thing lately. I'm happy for a while, but then I get bored. Or I get stuck on something that I just can't force out of my head. Or I've got lots of knitting I'm working on but nothing at that moment I want to knit. {That reminds me - I so have to update the sidebars.....}

On to my idea - - -

The story I was reading talked about a happiness/blessing journal. Truthfully sounded like a good idea but also a little hokey. But......

In an effort to blog more I decided to try and do a fairly regularly scheduled post about the good things in my life and things I feel thankful for and blessed by. I'm still trying to figure out what a minimum number of items should be. But there will be no cap - so if I'm feeling particularly giddy I'll just keep a running total.

However, since the boss just showed up - I'll post the first installment of ....... (insert name here) later.

Taking down Christmas

I'm at work taking down the Christmas decorations and enjoying a glass of Spanish Rioja (yummy light, tingly red wine - I work at a winery now, don't hate me : ) I never really got the "Christmas mood/spirit" this year. There were moments when I was shopping for those last minute Christmas gifts that the mood was nipping at my heels and the excitement was building. But it never caught up with me. It just danced around behind me, on the outskirts of grasp and just didn't come to be.

New Years was kind of the same way, leading up to it anyway. PB and I usually make too much food for us to eat even over a couple days of left overs. This year we didn't really do much of anything. Ended up watching MTV's party and the ball dropping. We both ended up catching a good buzz and ended up dancing around the living room. It ended up being a fun and laid back night. Too bad reality came too soon.

However - I went to a sale at my LYS on the first and got 6 skeins of Cascade 220; 3 in black and 3 in a heathered light/medium green, for 10% off. I also snagged 3 skeins of baby alpaca (brand ??) in a light celery green, for 40% off! That yarn is so yummy soft I was afraid they were going to call the cops on me because I was fondling it so much!

I started on the Fiber Trends felted clogs out of the Cascade (black for the sole & the green for the upper) for PB. He wears size 14 shoes so I'm going to try and modify the pattern and do to more increase rows on the sole. I couldn't quite wrap my head around that yesterday so I set it aside until I can figure it out or get back to the LYS for help.

It's a sunny day and the snow from the storm seems to be melting. In fact, they're calling for temps into the low 50's by Sunday or Monday. Last time I checked it was still January. Wasn't it??

New Years Tenacity

I don't do resolutions.

They are nice ideas, and I've toyed with the thought of them over the years. But they just don't work for me. So I've decided on tenacity for the new year. A list of things that will be foremost in my mind in the coming year. Things that will important to me to work on - personally, professionally, internally, and relationship-wise.

1 - know that the only person I can truly make happy is me.

2 - continue on working to make me happy.

3 - more knitting.

4 - more blogging.

5 - continue going to the gym daily with Sundays off (gym's closed).

6 - continue to try new classes.

7 - work on eating better & continue to pick better/healthier foods.

8 - find RAK's (Random Acts of Kindness) to commit on unsuspecting people. : )

9 - more knitting blogging & pictures.

10 - plan a great vacation (doesn't have to be extravagant, but it will be fun).

I hope to attend B's graduation in the spring. It would also be nice to go to his open house but if it's at his mom's house (like he wants) I will most likely not be invited /allowed to attend. [His mom called the cops on me once because I was in my car, in her driveway, dropping off the kids.]

Wishing everyone a Happy New Year!

See you soon!!

Expectations - - -

You know...... I've always wanted to be the youngest to do something. The youngest to write an epic poem - the youngest to write a book - the youngest to paint an amazing picture (but I don't paint....) - the youngest to do something in this wanting world.

But I don't feel young enough to potentially fill that category any more. For that matter when I was a kid, I could usually mark the years by how much I felt lacking about me in my own head.

So I no longer feel able to be the youngest to do anything - so then my mind goes to Grandma Moses. Now I'm not that old by that any stretch of the imagination (although some days my mind fucks with the rest of me and my head).

So here's my question/issue - - - now what do I do? I'm no longer in the category to be the youngest at or in anything (at least in my own head). And Lord knows I don't have the patience to wait around to be the oldest in something (unless I'm really that old - and despite my own screwed up head 30 really isn't that old). So where does that leave me??

For as much as I've wanted to be known for something; I also want to be "not-known". So again - where does that leave me?

So '2 roads diverged in a wood and I took'.... which one?

MIA

Yes, I have been Missing In Action......

I have the most sincere intention to change that - - - however, I have a slight fear. A fear of integrating myselves. The self that the general public knows, the self that my family knows, the self I am in my own head and the self that I think the world (however large or small that may be) expects of me.

Here we go.........

My family -
I have said a couple times to PB that I wonder if my family (mom & dad, mom in particular) would like me if they knew the real me. The me who sometimes likes too much wine, who's been known to dance on bar stools, or who is currently working at a winery (!!!) despite the history alcohol has played in her childhood. I know where I've come from, both the horrors of it and the other side. I believe I have become an adult (if in age only and not "mental feeling" at times) and I'm entitled to my own beliefs and conclusions. This is my life and my mistakes or triumphs to make. I love you all and hope you still love me.

My family, PB & my stepkids -
I hesitate to use that term "stepkids"....they are by definition but I've never liked that term but I've yet to come up with anything else that seems too fit. {so if you have any ideas, let me know.} I love PB with all my heart and I care about his kids more than I expected to and given that admission - I've reached a problem. While their mother has a place in their life and I have tried not to replace her, there are areas in which I feel she needs replaced. I'm sure whatever parenting style I would have, if I had my own kids, would be different and still respectable - I have to question what goes on in a house that's not my own. I feel DD is dancing on a precarious line - one that a tiny breeze could push over to the undesirable side. However, I feel powerless to do anything about it due to the timing PB & I have with DD. How do you instill thoughts & values & self-respect in someone you don't see but 1 night a week and every other weekend?? Especially when 'mom' doesn't do much of those things in the times she's not by me....
As for DS - - - For whatever reason I'm fine to deal with DD but DS..... I don't know..... For some reason PB and I have problems even talking about him. Now, don't get me wrong - he is not a bad kid, quite the contrary. He's a good kid and doesn't do those things you wouldn't want him to do and he's a smart kid that when he does his homework he gets good grades (A's - B's) but he has had a hard time getting his homework done (although in fairness, he's been much better this 1/2 of term). He still needs to do some makeup work for his sophomore year (currently a senior) - he has one and 1/2 homeschool classes to make up in order to graduate. At his current pace I'm concerned about him being able to graduate this year. I would love nothing more to be sitting in some stuffy gym with other hot & sweaty parents (although I don't see myself in that role or with that title....) and too many cameras watching B graduate. But right now I'm concerned and worried that that vision may not happen.

General pubic -
Not sure why I care about these people, really. I think I "should" be good, nice, pleasant, helpful, quiet, etc..... While in general I am these things I wish I could and would stand up for me more often. I'm a Cancer (for whatever it's worth) and I can usually see all points of view even if it's not my particular view point. I really do want to make people feel comfortable, happy and for them to enjoy themselves - I just need to do that without the expense of that being "me". I think my new job at the winery has given me the opportunity to do that (to the point I've said something to a customer and then thought "Did I just say that?!?!" "Woo Hoo"). However, I'm having a difficult time translating that to my home life. Do you ever feel like you're in a rut and unsure of how to get out?

After all this (sorry about the book, but not really...) I'm left with these 2 quotes by 'someone':

"The difference between a rut & a grave is six feet."

"Well behaved women rarely make history."

God help me lose myself and in the process truly find myself. I just hope those closest to me can make the transition with me, as I love them all dearly.

"Leap & the net will appear"

- - - Geronimo! - - -

Times......

There are times......

...when someone with self confidence looses sight of herself and wants help being found.

...that you miss the forest for the trees.

...when you can no longer keep quiet and things just come spilling out.

....I believe, that a well meaning person just doesn't know what to do - so they just do nothing.

...when talking is over-rated and you should just grab someone and hold them.

...when talking is the hardest thing to do.

...when listening with an open heart and mind is harder.

...when life just feels like too much.

...when you wish you could be a fly on the wall and hear how someone talks about you when you're not around.

...when you're not where you thought you'd be by now in life - but you discover you don't want to be anywhere else - only to realize that you still need to reconcile that fact in your own head.

....when you truly don't know your own worth or importance to other people.

....that being yourself is the most terrifying but probably the most exhilarating thing you can do.

God help me........

7 - 7 - 07

Lucky or not??

There has been a lot of talk about this day/date. I wonder if in 1907 people had the same talk about this date then?

I have to say that today has been a good day so far, not particularly lucky or unlucky. Just a nice sunny, blue sky fluffy clouds kind of day.

However, I've always believed that another date full of 7's has been pretty lucky; July 14, 1977 - my birthday! Although this year I will be 30..... not sure how lucky that date will be this year.

To Linda - - -

Today we went to a party for Linda, the wife of a friend/vendor (hubby & I are both in purchasing, we both consider him a friend more than anything). We had met her about a year ago when we were invited to their house to help fix their computer.

PB & I hadn't met her before but we knew Al (friend/vendor) pretty well. Linda greeted us with a hug, like we were old friends. By the end of that dinner we were all laughing, joking, getting into deep personal conversations as well as fluff. On the drive home I told PB "I like her - she's really good people." [I usually get along better with guys than I do women so for me to get along this well with someone and truly enjoy their company was pretty high praise from me.]

We met her and Al for lunch once during the week a couple months after that fuzzy night (the wine she was a-flowing that night...) and again we were greeted with a hug like we were old friends. You know those kind of friends that are more like family than friends - that's how Linda made us feel even though we didn't know each other for years.

Today was a celebration of her and the life she had. Linda passed away from cancer about 2 weeks ago. It truly was a party and exactly what she wanted. There was beer & wine, munchie food, pictures, stories and dancing. I believe it was a party she would have liked and I can see her going from table to table making everyone feel welcome and comfortable.

Linda - I didn't know you well but I loved the person I knew and came to know better today. May I not see you again for a long time but you'll be one of those people I look up in Heaven someday. I hope to discover your welcoming spirit and openness to and with others. You left too soon & will be missed.

Cheers!

Holiday weekend = dead mouse

So far it's been a quiet weekend. Friday night we went out for dinner with my husband's - - - not sure what to call him. It's hubby's mother's ex-boyfriend of 10 years or so. He's still very much a part of MIL's life & her parents lives. So what title does that give him?? I really need to create new titles for some of hubby's family....

Yesterday we ran some last minute errands for things we'd need for the weekend. You know - steak, fungus (mushrooms), for shish-ka-bob's. Already had the chicken, onion and pineapple chunks at home. Also picked up a fresh pineapple, tortilla chips, creamy mexi-dip, and whole tilapia fish. The fish are in the smoker as we speak and the steak and chicken will soon be in a marinade for later.

Now, for the dead mouse part of our story - -

I wake up this morning, head to the bathroom and one of the 2 cats that call this place home is going crazy around the toilet. Meowing and pacing back and forth under my legs. Normally she's going crazy in the sink trying to make you turn the water on so she can have a drink. So I walk back to the bedroom to get a flashlight (the bathroom light was not an option that early!).

I mention to PB that Maggie's going wacko and he tells me to go by him and he'd tell me why. Ok now I'm really curious and of course I have to go check it out! I look around where she's pacing and see a mouse trap behind the toilet.....

To the best of my knowledge (I learned later that I didn't know everything on this topic) there has not been a mouse in this house. Now there was a bat in here once but that's another story.

I crawl back into bed and that's when I learn about the events of early this morning. PB got up around 4 or so and headed to the bathroom only to see a cat going nuts and a mouse. He goes to get a shoe and hears our uninvited visitor squeaking.

Good, he thinks, Maggie's caught it and it won't be difficult to evict the little rodent. Maggie then hears PB behind her and lets the mouse go as she trots out of the bathroom. Great - now there's an injured rodent wandering around. He goes back outside to get a trap and gets it set up.

This whole time he's hoping beyond hope that I haven't woken up with all this commotion because I would have a heck of a time getting to sleep with the thought of a mouse in the house. (Now I'm not scared of them but my general take on uninvited nature in my house is that they need to leave or die - either way they gotta go!) He crawls back into bed and hears a little snore from me, and starts laughing to himself.

As he's telling me the story I'm trying to remember any strange noises or odd things I may have heard. I got nothing - I slept through the whole thing!

I get up, take a shower and then I see a little rodent head behind the behind/over the toilet shelf thingy and a tail behind the garbage. Fortunately, the head was laying back as if our little guest was trying to get a tan. According PB the little guy sustained some pretty good wounds from Maggie and wouldn't have stood much of a chance had he made it out of the house.

This just further proves that my statement is universal - "Don't mess with a Chicky!"

Skulls..... I'm in love

I figured out something to knit over this past Easter weekend. This, slightly modified to be a bit bigger. I found a charcoal grey with a nice blood red for the skull. No pictures at the moment. Since I haven't started on the skull yet it wouldn't really be much to look at.

I've also found a couple new Sigg bottles that I think I'm going to have to get. This blue and white one and this black and red one. These bottles are so cool! I bought one a while back and just started using it in the last month or so. They keep your water (or whatever...) cold and they're way better than normal plastic water bottles. They are intended to be reusable and very easy to clean. Not to mention that they can take a shot and can still be used. : )

And I came across some awesome skull & crossbones buttons. Now only if I could find the link for them I might be spending some more money.....

However, I've recently been working out more and trying to eat better. I've gotten up early every day before work for nearly a month and I've already lost 10#'s. So with that goal met - I decided my reward was that blue Sigg bottle. Now what reasoning could I come up with for the black one? ]: )

Friday that isn't a Friday

I get a nice long weekend starting now. I've got Good Friday off of work. So you know what that means..... Time to find bad tv or a few movies, some UFO's and go crazy. One problem - I've become bored with my UFO's and I'm dying to try something new but I haven't found inspiration yet. I smell a LYS trip in my future!

Any suggestions on what to knit? I've got 2 scarves, a Garterlac dishcloth, and a Ruana currently on needles. I'm thinking I'm going to have to make one of these, filled with cotton balls & cat nip for an Easter treat for the critters. I've checked all the free patterns I've saved, looked through the couple books I have, and a couple magazines - and I've come up with nothing!

Help? Hints? Suggestions? Anything?

I've got 3 days without any real set plans other than it would be nice to knit something....

It's been a while....

Ok - really it's been about 3 months.... bad me....

However, I've realized that this is a pretty good outlet and I should use it to it's full potential.

Watch this space - - - more to come!

Happy New Year to all - - -

...and to all a good hangover cure!!

Ok - a little more serious, now -

May you find everything you need in the new year and may there be just enough out of your reach to keep you striving and working for things, and to realize that there are still things you want out there in the world.

Happy New Year!! See you next year!