Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Happy Turkey Day!

First Thanksgiving without Shorty at the table across from me. Here's hoping it goes alright. Miss you Shorty! (funny Thanksgiving story to follow later).

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Enjoy the friends, family, food, naps, football & searching through the black Friday ads!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

so much for catching up

School is going pretty well. I wish I was doing better in Anatomy (one of the 5 classes they base your GPA on in order to get into the nursing program).

Thinking about school and all that it entails is really overwhelming at the moment and it's left me feeling very alone.

1 house, 2 people, 0 jobs, 2 people trying to go to school, 1 person's unemployment about to run out - does not make for a very settled & calm Chicky.

Thinking about what to say to catch up just makes me want to cry. I feel like there's 10 gallons of shit stuffed into a 5 gallon bucket and it just wants to overflow. I want to lose it, cry, scream, yell, and talk it out. But I feel like I can't. I feel like I would be judged or viewed as "weak" or "just being emotional" or "wanting to pick a fight" by the people who are closest to me, those who already seem to have a lower opinion of me. I can't always be strong, and I know this, I can't always try to be good, or whoever everyone wants me to be. I just wish I felt comfortable and safe enough to let go.

I'm ok or happy for a while but there's always this underlying current that never quite leaves me.

And I need it to leave me.

Friday, November 19, 2010

As it should be I suppose

I got side tracked with school & CNA training. Truthfully, I should be typing up my paper for my Psych class today @ 12:15..... Guess I should get another cup of coffee & start typing.

I'll catch up tonight or over the weekend!