Sunday, January 24, 2010

Almost 3 weeks

It's strange the memories that pop up in the weeks after someone's gone and the feelings that accompany them.

I remember:

Being so pissed in AR for an "out-of-the-blue-must-turn-NOW" turn on the bikes with a semi right behind PB.

- - - I kinda feel bad about that one. Maybe Shorty wasn't thinking clearly or didn't realize how close traffic was behind us. Maybe the heat was affecting him worse than the rest of us, since there wasn't much body mass to him compared to the rest of us & we didn't have his health issue too.

The fight he & I had the 2nd to last time he was in the hospital. He was grumpy about being there and not being home. Mom talked to the dr. and told him of a conversation & decision that we (the 3 of us) had come up with. Shorty accused mom of talking behind his back & possibly not telling the dr. the 'real' truth. Mom got really upset (part from what he was saying/accusing her of & I think in part because of the stress & worry over the whole situation - you know 10 gallons of crap in a 5 gallon bucket). She started to cry & left the room. I started in on Shorty - "Do you seriously believe that mom would do such a thing to you?" "We don't like you being here anymore than you like being here." "Do you know how much mom does for you and on your behalf? And how much she tries to get you home - if its safe for you to be there?" etc.... etc.... He came back with what I expected & was ready for. "I know she does this - cause I've seen her behind me shaking her head or nodding at dr.'s appointments, giving him a different answer to the question." etc... etc....
This went on for 10 minutes or more. Finally after me just staring at him in silence he said "I think you need to leave now" I said I loved him & wished that he'd get home as soon as the dr.'s said he could.

- - - Thinking about it now I kinda smile & laugh a little. My dad kicked me out of his room. He would never do that & never did until that day. Seriously?!? Shorty kicked me out... said I needed to leave now... It's so far from reality that it's just funny.

I remember when Shorty was drinking (since has been sober for over 20 years). Cabbage Patch dolls were huge then - you remember when women were getting into fist fights over the last doll in the city - and they had just come out with Cabbage Patch Twins!! Oh those stupid commercials hooked me - I thought it would be sooo cool to have Cabbage Patch Twins. Shorty was sitting in his chair one night when I said how much I wanted those. The memory is a bit fuzzy here on if what took place was the same night or another after I made that comment. Shorty came into the house with 2 stuffed animals - a dog and a lamb - that he had gotten from some guy at the bar. These weren't the Cabbage Patch Twins I wanted - not even close. I was polite and said thanks and acted like I was happy to get them and oh look how cute.... but it wasn't ok, it wasn't the same, it was even worse than wanting a stupid doll from a tv commercial.

- - - Thinking about it now, I still feel the same. I know now that he was just doing the best he could and his alcohol fuzzy mind thought it would make me happy. I can appreciate that & love him for the fact that he was thinking of me..... but he so missed the mark.

In TN on the bikes the folks were behind me & I was 'playing' on a roller coaster road that I hadn't seen before. A too sharp turn with no warning sign and a chunk of rock later, I laid the bike down. Broken mirror, shaved & broken windshield, scratched helmet & really scratched visor, among a few other scratches & dents. Shorty comes over the hill & sees me & the bike laying on the road. Mom freaks out about me - scratches & blood mixed with gravel and I'm freaking out about my bike. Mom tends to me while Shorty tends to my bike. I'm crying & pointing to my broken bike (who true to her awesomeness starts right up again after Shorty picked her up!). Shorty starts saying "It's ok, Daddy will fix it. We're at a rally, they have everything we need at the vendors. We'll get a new windshield, and we can have the helmet touched up & buy a new visor. We'll get a new mirror or if they don't have one, they can order it to be here the next day. It's ok, Daddy will fix it." And he did. After going to the hospital & taking it easy for a day we went to the vendors. He bought me a new windshield (they had to overnight special mounting brackets), he had the paint on my helmet touched up, he bought me a new visor for my helmet. He special ordered a mirror that was there the next day. Even though I was old enough to have moved out & be on my own - he still paid for everything & told me not to worry about the cost cause he was going to get it. Daddy fixed it.

- - - God, I love him


Mia said...

and it sounds like he really loved you too. Memories are good :)


Mia said...

i'm still thinkin' about ya girl. It's about time to come out and play :) ::hug::

Mia said...

girl, i can't find your email and i want to answer - my blogger won't let me reply -