Thursday, November 30, 2006

Warning - - - Honesty ahead......

I read an inspiring post from Stoned Knitter this morning. Her birthday/blog-anniversary is tomorrow and she was waxing poetic a little about life and blogs.

I've had a difficult time getting and keeping this blog going. Sometimes I read everyone else's blog and feel like I don't have much to share. Sometimes I would rather knit than talk about it. Sometimes I forget to take any pictures of FO's or WIP's while the lighting is still there. Sometimes I finally take pictures and they end up sitting in the camera seemingly forever until they're downloaded to the computer. Sometimes I think it's been so long since a post - what's the point? There are times I wonder if anyone is even out there reading.

I've always been a private person and most times too introverted for my own good. I'm more than willing to talk to anyone and I will share just about anything. However, my problem comes in that I very rarely will volunteer much. I figure that if someone wants to know something about me - they'll ask. But I've learned that most people don't ask.

There's also the issue that people believe and somewhat expect different things about me. As an example: my parents, sad to say, I don't think know the real me. Part of me believes that if they did know me, they might not like me. So I keep them in the dark about things. (Yes, I know that I'm old enough that I don't need their approval. But I like being liked and I've kept them in the dark for many years so by now it's more of a habit.) Obviously, they certainly don't know about this blog!

Then there are the truths and feelings that I don't share in order to save other peoples feelings or their perceptions of me. There are people who know about this blog that I worry about what they might read and/or discover about me.

Here's the truth: I've lost my voice. Worse yet, I'm the one who took it from me. It's easier to keep quiet than it is to be woefully misunderstood. It's easier to just stop talking and avoid or stop a fight. It's easier to hide things than to disappoint people.

The other truth: Not having my voice anymore has really taken a good amount of fun out of life.

Fact: I cannot do what I've been doing anymore.

This blog will become something different than it has been. It will start to be my voice to the lurkers and to anyone who comes across it. It will also serve as a catalyst to find my voice more in the real world and to use it at any given (or stolen!) moment. I hope to find myself and my voice back.

There will be knitting content - if I ever get those damn pictures taken! : )

1 comment:

Mia said...

I can't believe i missed this post and I had a great little note that I just wrote you and blogger ate it (new version vs old) but I just wanted to say how flattered I am by your comments and to tell you that I don't believe you ever "lost your voice".... it's coming thru loud and clear.. keep on blogging.. on your OWN terms!