I've moved....

Still knitting but not near as much since life seems to have taken over.

I've moved to a new blog that I'll hopefully keep up with a little better.  Plus I wanted to make a clean break from other things posted in here & have a little more freedom to post with a feeling of being anonymous.

Here goes.... Find me here if you'd like to follow along.

1/2/11 - A good piece of advise. Plus you've gotta love a heavy, metal, street sign quality sign that says "no pissy attitudes"! : P

Here's to you & to me

1/1/11 - A good wish for the new year!

1/1/11 - don't see that every day!

Based on Mia's post from the other day on numerology - I thought I'd check it out. Some fit very well, others not so much. I don't think I have an excess of 7 in my makeup. While some of those traits are there from time to time, they aren't present very much.

There are 16 letters in your name.
Those 16 letters total to 79
There are 6 vowels and 10 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 7

The characteristics of #7 are: Analysis, understanding, knowledge, awareness, studious, meditating.

The expression or destiny for #7:
Thought, analysis, introspection, and seclusiveness are all characteristics of the expression number 7. The hallmark of the number 7 is a good mind, and especially good at searching out and finding the truth. You are so very capable of analyzing, judging and discriminating, that very little ever escapes your observation and deep understanding. You are the type of person that can really get involved in a search for wisdom or hidden truths, often becoming an authority on whatever it is your are focusing on. This can easily be of a technical or scientific nature, or it may be religious or occult, it matters very little, you pursue knowledge with the same sort of vigor. You can make a very fine teacher, or because of a natural inclination toward the spiritual, you may become deeply emerged in religious affairs or even psychic explorations. You tend to operate on a rather different wavelength, and many of your friends may not really know you very well. The positive aspects of the 7 expression are that you can be a true perfectionist in a very positive sense of the word. You are very logical, and usually employ a quite rational approach to most things you do. You can be so rational at times that you almost seem to lack emotion, and when you are faced with an emotional situation, you may have a bit of a problem coping with it. You have excellent capabilities to study and learn really deep and difficult subjects, and to search for hidden fundamentals. At full maturity you are likely to be a very peaceful and poised individual.

If there is an over supply of the number 7 in your makeup, the negative aspects of the number may be apparent. The chief negative of 7 relates to the limited degree of trust that you may have in people. A tendency to be highly introverted can make you a bit on the self-centered side, certainly very much self-contained . Because of this, you are not very adaptable, and you may tend to be overly critical and intolerant. You really like to work alone, at your own pace and in your own way. You neither show or understand emotions very well.

Your Soul Urge number is: 3

A Soul Urge number of 3 means:
With the Soul Urge number 3 your desire in life is personal expression, and generally enjoying life to its fullest. You want to participate in an active social life and enjoy a large circle of friends. You want to be in the limelight, expressing your artistic or intellectual talents. Word skills may be your thing; speaking, writing, acting, singing. In a positive sense, the 3 energy is friendly, outgoing and always very social.

You have a decidedly upbeat attitude that is rarely discouraged; a good mental and emotional balance.

The 3 Soul Urge gives intuitive insight, thus, very high creative and inspirational tendencies. The truly outstanding trait shown by the 3 Soul Urge is that of self-expression, regardless of the field of endeavor.

On the negative side, you may at times become too easygoing and too optimistic, tending to scatter forces and accomplish very little. Often, the excessive 3 energy produces non-stop talkers. Everyone has faults, but the 3 soul urge doesn't appreciate having these pointed out.

Your Inner Dream number is: 4

An Inner Dream number of 4 means:
You dream of being a very solid citizen that people can depend upon. You strive for organization and predictable order. You want to be recognized as a person with a plan and the discipline to make that plan work like clockwork.

Goodbye 2010

Kind of glad to see the year go. Hasn't been an easy year: PB going on 2 years without a job, me without a job, Shorty dying, going to college after 15 years, etc.... Here's hoping that 2011 brings a greater sense of inner peace, happiness, closeness to those who have grown distant, rocking the college thing & mega prayers that I get into the nursing program.

* * Taken at noon in Michigan. 50 degrees!! Not on December 31st!!

Happy Turkey Day!

First Thanksgiving without Shorty at the table across from me. Here's hoping it goes alright. Miss you Shorty! (funny Thanksgiving story to follow later).

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Enjoy the friends, family, food, naps, football & searching through the black Friday ads!

so much for catching up

School is going pretty well. I wish I was doing better in Anatomy (one of the 5 classes they base your GPA on in order to get into the nursing program).

Thinking about school and all that it entails is really overwhelming at the moment and it's left me feeling very alone.

1 house, 2 people, 0 jobs, 2 people trying to go to school, 1 person's unemployment about to run out - does not make for a very settled & calm Chicky.

Thinking about what to say to catch up just makes me want to cry. I feel like there's 10 gallons of shit stuffed into a 5 gallon bucket and it just wants to overflow. I want to lose it, cry, scream, yell, and talk it out. But I feel like I can't. I feel like I would be judged or viewed as "weak" or "just being emotional" or "wanting to pick a fight" by the people who are closest to me, those who already seem to have a lower opinion of me. I can't always be strong, and I know this, I can't always try to be good, or whoever everyone wants me to be. I just wish I felt comfortable and safe enough to let go.

I'm ok or happy for a while but there's always this underlying current that never quite leaves me.

And I need it to leave me.

As it should be I suppose

I got side tracked with school & CNA training. Truthfully, I should be typing up my paper for my Psych class today @ 12:15..... Guess I should get another cup of coffee & start typing.

I'll catch up tonight or over the weekend!

8/16/10

We know now that these things are simpler
yet more confused

What we thought we knew
we don't
& what we didn't
we do

We go from place to place
person to person
trying to find our fit
our right

If we think to much - we are hurt
too little - the same

There is a balance - one we're never
quite sure of
& always second guessed

Should we fit
what if the point is to not?

3 weeks left

of summer semester and everything seems to be going well!

I've got an argumentative issue paper due Monday for History and a survey paper for Sociology due by 8/13, the last day of class. Plus I've got to take the exam for Word Processing soon too. Since 2 classes are online/self-taught it's a little easier than having to go to school for 3 classes.

Word Processing is the only class that counts toward getting into the nursing program. But seriously it's word processing - this is stuff I learned in high school. So I'm going to take the exam until I get 100% (up to 5 times).

I love Matt or was it Mike

I have absolutely no bruise from giving blood yesterday! Every other time I've given blood (admittedly not much) or had blood drawn I've been left with a significant bruise. But I have none! Just a little scab over where the needle was. I'm so happy - I may even have to write to MI Blood & sing Matt's praises.

I did learn a few things while I was there. Warm/room temperature water helps the blood flow better or quicker. Also that my main vein in my arm(s) is a lot deeper than would be expected (have to remember that in school & future blood drives). It took about 16 minutes to get a pint - but for whatever reason it seems to take a little while to a pint.

I want to suck your blood....

err.... actually they wanted mine.

I went & gave blood today - probably the first time in 12 or more years. I have to say this was a much better experience than last time. They actually found a vein without trying both arms, & causing much pain. It's too soon to tell on the bruising but I'd be surprised if there's much if even any.

I kind of went for selfish reasons. I figure if I'm going to school for Nursing chances are my classmates and I will be guinea pigs for each other at some point in time. I might as well start getting used to needles & being poked (yeah I know that sounded dirty.... ]: )

I'm signed up for 3 classes this summer, one at the South Haven campus and two online. One of the online classes is a pre-req for the RN program. They review your GPA in 5 pre-req's in order to get into the program. So I really need to bust ass & get great grades in those!!

& just because it's too cute not to share, meet Bub my little evil furry minion -

If you want a "nice drive" road - just ask a biker

Went for a motorcycle ride to Grand Haven this afternoon. Picked up J for Father's Day since we didn't have her this weekend, then took the lakeshore road to get there. Went up Five Mile Hill just because that's what you're supposed to do whenever you go to Grand Haven (that's my story & I'm sticking to it - besides I haven't gotten any complaints! :) Got a corn dog at one place & then a waffle cone with homemade ice cream from Temptations.

It was a great day for a ride!

Happy Father's Day, Shorty. Miss you.....

No man is an island - or is she?

There are times I feel so lonely. The more I look into Nursing school & it's requirements the more it seems like a huge steep sand dune to climb. I don't have an outlet for everything that I think about, worry about, or wonder about.

Going to school will have a big impact on the next year doing prereq's. But once I'm in the program they basically own me for the next 2 years.

I may be over thinking things but they've been rolling around my head for days. I should just go to bed, get up in the morning & have a good cup of coffee.

p.s. What do you think of the new look? I think they're poppies (I love poppies) & one of Shorty's names from me, before he became Shorty, was Poppie. : )

Friday

I'm signing up for Summer & Fall classes on Friday.

I hope I'm doing the right thing, picking the right field. It's a lot of work for something I have no idea if I'd like or be good at for that matter. Big scary step.....

"Leap & the net will appear."

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." - I'm kinda counting on this one....

Misc web browsing finds......

Is that your final answer?

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain

Well if that isn't fitting for the "What do I want to do with my life?" questions I've been trying to figure out lately.....

I think I'm going to go for an RN. I shadowed the x-ray department yesterday and while it seemed interesting, CT in particular, everyone I talked to said the job prospects weren't looking good. They also said that it ebbs & flows. They don't need anyone now but in a few years, who knows?

With nursing there seem to be so many more options for jobs; hospitals, clinics, doctors offices, nursing homes, hospice, home health, & maybe more I haven't thought of or know about.

When I make it through school I think I might have to buy this:

me - worried??

Grandma does this & I'm worried about college....

A sounding board without judgment would be nice. That and shadowing a couple departments at the hospital hopefully will help. Gotta love my aunt & her connections! I just wish I knew what I really wanted to do....

Scary news

Found out today that for this year there are 95 openings into the Nursing program. They have 315 people to choose from. They start with the highest grades and go from there.

I found out yesterday that they only admit people to the program once a year. They choose during May for the following Fall. So the earliest I could get into the program is Fall 2011. But now knowing about the amount of people looking to get into so few spots... has me wondering how soon I'd really get into the program.

Another bad thing - In order to get the money from the state you have to be "enrolled in the program". I've heard from some people that you're not eligible for the money if you're taking the pre-reqs to get into the program. Once you're accepted into the program then you can get the money. But will the program still be around in a year (at best)?

Cheerleader

You know what people could really use? There own personal cheerleader!

Someone to tell you they're not crazy for thinking something totally beyond what you've ever thought.

Someone to give them a big shot of confidence if yours is lacking at the moment.

Someone to tell them "You can do it" when you're convinced you can't or that it's too much.

Someone to not project their own fears/concerns on to you.

Someone who believes in you no matter what - even when everyone else is saying you can't or shouldn't.

Someone who has faith in you and that things will work out even when you can't see it right now.

Now I'm not just saying the typical high school cheerleaders - rah rah go team.... kind of stuff. Or some who just "blows smoke up your ass". But more like the boxing coach who is always in your corner rooting for you even when you're stumbling and can barely open one of your eyes for the swelling.

I remember an episode of an old tv show from too many years ago. A guy, who was an incredible nerd, kind of had the same thoughts I just shared. He made a box - in the music box fashion - that when opened it gave you a standing ovation. Applause, cheers, whistles - the whole 9 yards.

Kinda wish there really was one of those out there in the world....